Have you been wondering about how you can pick money from the floor without turning to yam? Well, worry no more. This is how you should go about it:
1. Shadow the environment.
This is to know if the real owners of the money are not hiding somewhere waiting to grab whoever picks the money. The heart of man is desperately wicked, shebi you know.
2. Remove your blokos and piss on the money.
There is power in urine that can neutralize juju. This step one will be hard if you are a woman. But if it’s in a closed area, baby gyal, raise ya skirt and wet that cash. Who shame epp?
3. You can also spit on it.
This one is when the money is dropped in an area where you cannot remove your blokos or bend low to spray it. If one way does not work, another one will. That’s what I have learned in this life.
4. Don’t forget to call the “Blood of Jesus”.
This one is more necessary than the urine and spitting. Jesus will probably not answer a thief like you who wants to reap where you did not sow, but you can try first. Mercy prevaileth over judgement.
5. Step on it and grind it into the ground.
Act like you’re killing a cockroach. Just grind it and grind it. If people look at you one kind, pretend you’re about to dance shoki or gwara gwara and you are getting your leg in motion. They will leave you alone.
6. Now go low, go lower, go lower again, and pick up the money quickly.
Or you can drop your phone and bend down so it can look like you’re not actually picking what is not your own.
7. Enter the nearest shop and buy something with it.
That way, you have successfully spread the cash around. Even if you will eventually turn to yam in the middle of the night, it will not be only you. The shop owner will become a tuber, and everybody who ate from the thing you bought will become tubers too.
Sha, I hope the owner of the money pounds you and eats you with proper soup. The next time you come to life, you will look away when you see people’s money on the floor.